Well, today just plain sucks. Last night I find out that a celebrity who I grew up with (Robin was only 6 years older than myself) has taken his life. Another tragic waste. Depression is such a terrible thing and it can strike any of us at any time.
This isn’t an easy article for me to write because I used to suffer from depression. Somehow I have managed to beat it. But it wasn’t easy. But I don’t want to focus on that because it’s not the point of this article.
So what is?
I’m going to make some assumptions if you’ve been reading my articles on a regular basis. I’m going to assume that you’re into music and you want to make it in some area of the music business. I’m not suggesting that you want to be a superstar or anything like that. But you want to be successful. Maybe even make this your living.
Take some time to think about how important that is to you. Is it the be all and end all or is it something that you can take or leave? In my case, it’s what I need just to keep paying the bills. I’m not in it for any fame, though that would be nice. I’m in it so I can keep a roof over my head and food on the table. That keeps it in perspective.
But some people have a hard time doing that. For them, it’s life and death. That’s when things become dangerous. Believe me, I know what it’s like to want something so bad that you think the world is going to end if you don’t get it.
Did I mention how bad that is?
Perspective is a wonderful thing. We have perspective in music. In fact, we create some amazing illusions with recorded music that I am going to get into in another article on perspective. It’s amazing what you can do with a little reverb, delay and volume control.
But I digress.
Like I was saying, perspective is a wonderful thing. But some people have a hard time putting things into perspective, especially when they’re young. See, this is what I find so puzzling about Robin Williams’ apparent suicide. The man was 63 years old. He had been through the worst of it already. I would have thought that by now he would have conquered his demons or at least learned to live with them. If this had happened when he was just becoming a superstar, I would have understood it. Look what happened to Freddie Prinze. That I would have understood. This I don’t. Not at this stage of his life.
And maybe in his case perspective had little if anything to do with it. Maybe it was something beyond anyone’s control. I guess we’ll never know.
But I do know this much. When you start blowing things out of proportion (if he doesn’t return my call I’ll just die) that’s when you get into trouble. And for young people in general, this is so easy to do.
So what follows is just some common sense advice from somebody who has lived through it all. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
First of all, nothing is so bad that you need to take your own life. I have gone through some pretty intense stuff. And there were days when I didn’t think I would survive it. But I did. And everything that ever happened that I “thought” would be the end of the world turned out not to be the case. The sun still rose the next day. Funny how that works.
Take a look at your problem. Ask yourself this question. “What’s the worst that could happen?” When you do that, you realize that the very worst thing that could happen, which is pretty unlikely, isn’t so horrible.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about.
I used to be terrified to speak in front of people. I was afraid of saying something stupid and having everybody laugh at me. I thought I would die of embarrassment. Trust me, nobody has ever died from embarrassment.
Well, this coming Sunday I am going to be preaching what I think is at least my 6th, maybe 7th sermon our church as a replacement minister because our regular minister is on Military leave that Sunday. Not only am I no longer afraid of talking in front of people but I actually enjoy it. Do I still get nervous? Sure. Everybody gets a little nervous before performing. As a musician you surely know what that’s like. But you still perform, right?
If we let fear paralyze our lives, what good are our lives? I do everything like it doesn’t matter. Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. If I crap out, I crap out. I can always try again tomorrow.
Do you wanna know how many songwriting contests I’ve entered just trying to make it as something in the business? Know how many I was successful with? Doesn’t stop me from trying every now and then. When you fall off that horse what do you do? You get back on it, that’s what. But you put getting back on it in perspective. It’s not life and death if you fall off it again. You can always get back on.
Look, you only get one life. That’s it. There are no do-overs when you’re gone. I’m leaving this planet kicking and screaming. I have a lot I want to do before that time comes. I know I’m going to have my bad days, but that doesn’t make me want to chuck it all now. I’ll meet those bad days, one day at a time.
Keeping things in perspective will help do that.
So please, take a lesson from Robin Williams. In spite of all his fame and money and everything he had, this is how it ended for him. It’s sad, it’s tragic and it’s avoidable.
If you can’t keep things in perspective and need help, get help.
Like I said, you only have one life.
For The Love Of Music,
Steven “Wags” Wagenheim